More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
All the doctor said was why
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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