this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
