watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Someone came in the potted fern
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
