I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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