He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
