found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
