Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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