I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
