Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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