my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
