a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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