was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
