The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
