I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
