Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
