she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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