I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
