I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
