Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
