I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
