oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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