Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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