I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
