I wish my penis had an off switch
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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