omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
