you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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