they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
