What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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