It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
