We named our party play list daddy issues
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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