Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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