he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
