u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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