Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
