She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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