I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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