I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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