I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize