Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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