That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
