sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize