Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
