Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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