she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
