3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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