shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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