So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
