benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
