the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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