i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
