how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You don't make any sense
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