So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
