I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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