You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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