turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
