i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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