Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
