Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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