I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
