last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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