Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
