Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
