Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
