i love accidental penises.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
