youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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