Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
