saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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