i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize