dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
