I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
