seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
