if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
