i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
ugly people sure do ruin things
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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