you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
