You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
