i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
