Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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