I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
