this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
