1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Panties = found
Randomize
