Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
