There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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