she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just saw a hot homeless man
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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