U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
