It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
