My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she told me i tasted like america
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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