Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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