Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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