My girlfriend figured out who you are.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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