umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
