It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This is my gift to your gina
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My life is pants optional.
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