if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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