Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
