I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize