You smell like a Billy Joel song
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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