oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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