Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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