My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
