but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
