Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
