A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
