I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
