Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
there is glitter all over my balls
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