great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
