I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
