Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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