This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
