There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
how does that bad decision feel?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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