i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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