Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
