I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize
