Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize