Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize