just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
