dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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