just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
